Why I Stopped Writing

For those of you who have known me for several years, you know that I used to write a blog called TheBrandNewDad. I would write about various things my cool kid, Ryne, was learning or doing and the adventures we had together. I would write out imaginary conversations we had and document milestones to mark the passage of time as my boy grew into a man.

May 16th, 2011 changed all of that, however. That was the day that Ryne had a stroke. Since that time, we have gone through many stages of recovery with him. He was left with physical and mental detriments. He has epilepsy. He’s been through physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. He’s seen an abundance of “-ologists” and other “-ists.” Through it all, I’ve had to grieve the loss of a son I’ll never have. No matter how he progresses from here, the little boy that I thought I would have will never exist.

The most important thing to point out here is that I am not disappointed in the son that I do have. It’s a blessing that he is still here at all. I thank God everyday as I lay him down to sleep that I get to be his Dad. But the grieving and the struggle through recovery strained the joy that I had experienced prior to his stroke. It was that joy that drove me and inspired my writing and without that inspiration, the words escaped me.

I now feel that I am through grieving. My kid does some really cool stuff despite the obstacles he faces and I want to share how cool he is. We have some big stuff coming up and some important things we want to say, so I am going to do it here. I won’t promise there will be something every day, but it’s my goal that there will be.